We're always taught that politics are taboo. You typically don't talk about them on first dates, but are possibly guilty of making a snide comment or two to get under someone's skin from time to time. Some may even consider politics impolite given certain circumstances.
It's probably better if it's kept that way, seeing as the current American political arena is one step short of a shit storm. The newest boob(s) on the block? Michele Bachmann: the Tea Party Republican, AKA the woman who makes me want to rip my nail beds out.
"Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas." -Rep. Michelle Bachmann, April, 2009
First and foremost, let me just say that the Tea Party movement is a waste of political rhetoric. The Constitution is so important, you say? Yeah? Fuck off. As Daniel Tosh has so elegantly put it, our founding fathers were a bunch of racist fucking pigs with a handful of good ideas.
Obviously the Constitution should not be burned in effigy, but we have to draw a line somewhere. I refuse to base all American politics off of a document that was written during a time when humans had slaves and cured most deathly diseases with leeches. Sorry?
Speaking of leeches, let's talk Bachmann. I'll begin positively by saying that I think American politics are moving in the right direction as more women become incorporated - that is, until they cry in public or wear a skanky see-through dress (hey, Chelsea Clinton), making the rest of us look like babbling Cosmopolitan-reading vaginas. Bachmann seems to be content flaunting the fact that she's a Republican woman from Minnesota who hates taxes, Obama, and vaccines that prevent girls from getting cancer.
Where do I even start?
Well, the HPV vaccine thing really gets me hot and bothered, and not in a good way. Bachmann infiltrated the media claiming that the HPV vaccine will cause girls to experience mental retardation, a life without quality, and eventually lead them into a life where they become horny sluts. This is ridiculous! She's not a doctor, nor does she have any medical evidence to back this up.
Doctors have even gone on record delegitimizing this. It's sickening how it easy it is to manipulate the American public into believing anything that is said on FOX news. READ, people! Become informed. Don't be the annoying, ignorant population that we are so often accused of being.
Nobody likes taxes, but that's how we pay for necessities such as public roads and firefighters. Oh, you want to fight those fires on your own? Be my guest Rambo, just don't sue Yankee Candle when your house is on fire because your wife left a sugar cookie candle unattended while she boned her yoga instructor.
Furthermore, Bachmann hates Obama. She calls him an 'anti-American,' (whatever the f*ck that means). First off, that doesn't even make sense - I'm inclined to argue that being President is pretty well associated with the definition of "being American."
Secondly, will you all back up off brother Barack already? True, he hasn't done a lot of the things he promised, but he's like the lone piece of cake that's trying to survive a Weight Watchers luncheon - outnumbered. The Republican majority is everywhere.
Obama recently tried to pass the American jobs bill, but was vehemently rejected by the Senate. We need jobs. The man is obviously trying, but he's fighting the everlasting war of bipartisanship. Being President is not an easy gig, people. More likely than not, Bachmann is just jealous that she can't hit as many 3 pointers as Obama.
Basically, Bachmann can go suck a fat one. I'll say this much - if that woman gets elected into any sort of office, I'm packing my bags.