Back in September, Netflix enforced a DVD + streaming price hike. In the onslaught of bad press and an outraged customer base, the service lost one million subscribers. For those who preferred the mailed DVDs to the streaming content, it seems the time has come to choose one or the other (or, you know, pay the new fee). While complaints have been lodged that the streaming content is sorely lacking in quality titles, we at Blursto would like to argue the contrary. In fact, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and maybe everyone is just looking at this the wrong way.
Admittedly, the instant streaming movie selection leaves a lot to be desired . New releases more or less don't exist, with most of the selection being older classics and under-the-radar B-movies. If you're looking for Green Lantern (and let's face it, you probably are) you're shit out of luck. But the beauty of Instant Streaming lies in the very films we bitch about having to scroll past. Have you really taken a good look at some of the shit you can watch?
If you have, there's a good chance you've read some of the descriptions, laughed, and kept browsing. Here at Blursto, we want to help you. We want to let you know which of these movies (if any) are worth watching. With great pleasure, we start with Gun.
Director: Jesse Terrero
Starring: 50 Cent, Val Kilmer, AnnaLynne McCord, James Remar, Danny Trejo, John Larroquette. Seriously.
When Rich (Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson) is part of a gun exchange that goes haywire, Angel (Val Kilmer) saves his life and from there, the two contend with the Detroit Police as well as the feds, who have now made guns and violence their priority. AnnaLynne McCord plays Rich's gal pal, Gabriella; 50 Cent writes and stars in this action that observes the life of a gun as it passes from one stage to the next: manufacturer, distributor and user.
Let's start by stating the obvious. This is not a good movie.
That doesn't make it unwatchable (far from it, actually), and it doesn't make it horrible, but under no circumstances would I categorize this movie as good. This is clearly 50 Cent's baby, especially when you consider he stars, wrote AND produced it. While it isn't exactly Citizen Kane, 50 (or should I just refer to him as 'Cent' from now on?) isn't the only one screwing the pooch. Sure, the dialogue is wooden and the story's a bit generic, but c'mon, what did you expect?
The bit in the synopsis about following the gun from manufacturer to distributor to user is definitely misleading, unless I was watching a different movie entirely. The 'back story' of the gun is explained in a quick bit of exposition, and has no bearing on the action at all. Honestly though, the story is boring, and forgettable, and not worth wasting our time covering. Moving on.
Visually, this is a pretty striking film. Exterior shots of Detroit follow other exterior shots of Detroit, and while I commend 50 & co. for reppin' the D, it gets a little repetitive (though justified in terms of trying to establish the film's gritty tone).
Once the actors step on screen, it's a different story. Annalynne McCord is absolutely stunning, literally smoldering in every shot. She looks like shes stuck in some sort of perfume-commercial purgatory, at the end of every scene it seems like they cut just before she looks directly into the camera and whispers, 'Obsession. By Calvin Klein.'
...Which brings us to the biggest flaw/greatest strength of the movie: the cast. It seems like every casting decision was influenced by 50 Cent. Some people seem like they were cast just because 50 liked what he'd seen them in recently. James Remar basically reprises his role as Harry Morgan from Dexter (except, you know, not dead), playing a cop looking to take down 50. Annalyne McCord plays a hot woman, which isn't exactly a stretch, and Danny Trejo plays a gangster (the only nitpick here is that he isn't on screen long enough). Other actors, like John Laroquette and VAL FUCKING KILMER probably saw 50's name attached and signed on for a quick payday. Who knows.
Honestly, I can't believe it took me almost 700 words to get to Kilmer. Val absolutely steals the show. Completely out of place and looking MORE ridiculous than he did in MacGruber (where he played a man named Dieter Von Cunth), Kilmer sports long hair and approximately 100 more pounds than most viewers will remember. Seriously, he looks like a white version of Chief Bromden from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
Two peas in a very uncomfortable pod.
Every shot is more ridiculous than the last, and Kilmer looks comatose the entire time. It's almost as if they lured him on set with a trail of double cheeseburgers, only to get him to his mark and begin shooting before he realized what was going on. The movie is more enjoyable if you imagine Kilmer stuffing his pockets with Mcdonald's wrappers just before the cameras cut to him. One shot is particularly hilarious, but I don't want to ruin it for any potential viewers .
Verdict: All in all, Gun is a great time (note: great time, not a great movie). At 81 minutes (81!), the movie flies by, especially with several unintentional laugh out loud moments laced throughout. Watch it with a few friends and laugh your ass off at 50's dialogue , over-the-top violence, or Val Kilmer's arrowhead-shaped face.
One Word Description: Gratuitious.
 Though the same cannot be said for their selection of television shows. For now, at least, the selection is pretty badass.
 Who am I kidding, you're not going to see this movie. Just watch for the quick cut to Kilmer when 50 Cent explains their personal history. No one has ever looked so uncomfortable/ridiculous/out of place in a hoodie. Ever.
 This movie features the greatest pre-Smash-cut-to-sex-scene line ever, when 50 asks McCord "Do you think you can handle this load?"