If you love Parks and Rec, you probably love Jerry like we do. In fact, the staff here at Blursto love Jerry so much that we decided to dedicate a whole post to his fantastic quotes. However, because Jerry doesn't have that many quotes himself, we're also going to include quotes that make fun of Jerry (Gary) Gergich.
(These are not currently organized by season (I'll work on it!), so, if you're looking for a particular quote, you'll want to use control/command find)).
Without further ado:
Tom Haverford: It's your fault Lil Sebastian is missing.
Jerry Gergich: You were the one who was supposed to be watching him.
April Ludgate: Jerry, could you please shut up? I can't hear myself not talking to Andy.
Andy Dwyer: Ron, I don't know what I did wrong.
April Ludgate: Ron, tell him he's stupid.
Ron Swanson: OH, all of you shut up! Andy, April is mad because you said 'Awesome sauce' instead of 'I love you, too'. April, he loves you, so stop being a child. Tom, we all know that you lost Lil Sebastian. Jerry, you shouldn't have been burying your face into funnel cakes. Now all of you apologize.
Tom Haverford: What did you do now, Jerry?
Jerry Gergich: I didn't do this!
Tom Haverford: [Chants] Jerry's fault! Jerry's fault! Jerry's fault!
April Ludgate: Where are you going Jerry?
Jerry: I wanted to talk to Ron about the size of my desk.
April Ludgate: You have to make an appointment.
Jerry: How about now?
April Ludgate: He's not in right now.
Jerry: He's right there.
April Ludgate: I will let you know when he's available.
[Ron is in his office and raises his glass to April, who raises her glass back]
Ron Swanson: Attagirl.
Jerry: I think that comic sans always screams fun, right?
Jerry: Mine just says "get well soon."
Leslie: Aren't you sick?
Leslie: ...something's off.
Chris: Jerry, I believe you are capable of much more.?
Jerry: I'm not.?
Kyle: I love the Umami flavor.
Jerry: Stop being so pretentious Kyle.
Ron: All of you be quiet. Andy, she's mad because you said "awesome sauce" instead of "I love you too." April, he loves you. Stop being a child. Tom, you're clearly at fault here. Blaming Jerry won't save you. Jerry, we both know you were shotgunning funnel cakes instead of watching Lil Sebastian. So everyone apologize to everyone else.
April: Jerry, can you please be quiet? I can't hear myself not talking to Andy.
Tom: Wow, don't be such a Jerry, Ben.
Leslie: So, enjoy watching it. Assuming you still have electricity. And sorry about the weird blank gap in the middle. A man named Jerry Gergich screwed up the recording somehow. He had one job to do.
Tom: Hmm, a disappointingly good idea from Jerry.
Jerry: No, Leslie. Please. Tonight's kind of a big night. You know, all my kids are away...
Tom: Gross! No! That's Jerry's sex night. That ruins sex and tonight.
Ron: I need anyone with a pulse and a brain to pitch in.
Jerry: Ron, do you need help with anything?
Ron: No, we're good. Thanks. In fact, you can head home early.
April: Can you Photoshop your life with better decisions, Jerry?
Jerry: Anyway, hunting and fishing season is winding down, OK? And we all know that it is already closed season on twout. So now-I said twout instead of trout.
Donna: It happens to everyone.
Jerry: My marbles are full of mouth today.
Tom: Hey, Jerry? April was just double checking the lunch order. Do you want the salmon or the twout?
Leslie: Why didn't you just tell everybody the truth?
Jerry: Are you kidding me? Imagine what Tom would have said.
Leslie: Damn, Jerry! You jumped in a creek for a burrito? What'd you do for a Klondike bar? Kill your wife?
Tom: You went on a vacation and you chose Muncie, Indiana?
Jerry: My wife and I have a timeshare.
Tom: In Muncie?!
Leslie: Tom, Muncie is a lovely city.
Jerry: I was walking Lord Sheldon.
April: Ew, is that code for some kind of weird sex act?
Jerry: Lord Sheldon is my dog. My wife named him.
Ron: A schlemiel is the guy who spills soup at a fancy party. A schlamazel is the guy he spills it on. Jerry is both the schlemiel and the schlamazel of our office.
Donna: Maybe he fell into the toilet. Remember when he fell into the toilet?
April: Oh sorry guys, sorry I'm late. I got confused and took a shower after I got dressed 'cause I'm Jerry.
Leslie: Some of them have been married for half a century. And, no offense, but everybody here is terrible at love. Divorced, dating a gay guy, divorced twice, jury's still out on you two, and Jerry, who knows?
Jerry: I've been happily married for 28 years. You've met my wife, Gail, many times.
April: Oh my god, they're amazing.
Jerry: They're more than amazing. They are terrific.
April: Terrific's not more than amazing, Jerry.
Jerry: No? Well, it's not less.
Tom: Who am I suppose to ask for fashion advice? Jerry? He wears the same suit-stained khakis every day.
Jerry: I really wish I could have your body.
April: Eww, like tied up naked in your basement?
Jerry: No, no I mean you're in good shape and you can eat whatever you want.
Leslie: That was weird, Jerry.
Jerry: Hey, Mark. A little birdie told me that you have an unpaid parking ticket.
Mark: Well that's funny because a little birdie told me that your adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession.
Mark: You didn't know that, huh?
Jerry: I didn't know I was adopted.
Donna: You'll never guess what I found on Jerry's Facebook.
April: A friend? Buuurn.